• Dating Over Thirty is a sub for discussion and advice on dating and the dating phase of relationships for people over the age of 30.This is not a place to post personals or 'looking for' or hookups. 390k.
• EliteSingles take you through the real deal about dating in your 30s. No, it’s not the same as the youthful days being fresh on the block. But yes, it’s possible plausible and even preferable to meet your person still. Dating in your 30s takes on a different tone.

Since 2014, this dating app has become a serious contender in the online dating world. With its unique matching policy, Bumble supports a feminist agenda and subverts traditional gender norms that say a woman shouldn’t ask a man out. Singles over 30 tend to appreciate the more serious and respectful tone set by Bumble.

After a couple of months being single, it felt like it was time to try some of the most popular online dating apps. How else do you date when you’re dating in your 30s? I had read reviews of the major dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and had heard about Hinge and others, but there is no substitute for trying them yourself. Here’s my honest review of Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and even Plenty of Fish in 2020.

Tinder

I was excited to try Tinder. After hearing things like all the rules of tinder, the memes, and to see how much of it’s reputation Tinder really lived up to.

Feels like lots of people just looking

There are a lot of profiles on Tinder, and maybe it’s me but not a lot of matches. It feels like Tinder is more of a game rather than a an actual place to meet people. I also wonder how many profiles are stagnant.

While Tinder got it’s reputation for being the hook up app, I haven’t really found that to be the case.

Tinder Premium

This will be a post for another day, but if you’re wondering if Tinder Premium is worth it, I’d say yes. It’s nice being able to see the people who swiped yes to you, and the boost definitely gave a nice increase in views. I haven’t had any luck from top picks or super swipes yet though

Very mainstream

Everyone knows Tinder. It’s by far the most main stream of the apps. This also means there are a lot of people you wouldn’t be interested in it. Personally, I’d love some filters for specific deal breakers, but that’s part of the simplicity of Tinder that makes it such a great app.

Fake profiles

I hadn’t heard anything about this outside of Catfishing – but I thought that was just people using old pictures or pretending to be someone else. There are a lot of fake profiles. Maybe they’re just seeing what’s out there, maybe they’re trying to find someone specific, but they’re definitely out there.

There are plenty of escorts, or something shady. You can tell the profiles because the 416 phone numbers 555 are hidden like this 4565 in the descriptions. Sometimes you’ll be asked to find the hidden email address. Shout out to them for their creativity.

Summary

What I liked most about Tinder is how quickly and easily it is to get up and running. Upload a few photos, drop some emojis in and you’re set. The 100 likes go fast on the free account thought.I’m not crazy about how they charge more if you’re over 30, and am actually curious as to how they can legally do that without some sort of age discrimination. If you’re dating in your 30s, Tinder might make you feel old quick!

Oddly enough, I found Tinder’s desktop experience too be top notch. See the video below for a quick demonstration.

If you’re just starting out on Tinder, my biggest piece of advice would be that just because someone swipes right, on Tinder you swipe right to say yet and match with someone, doesn’t mean that they’re into you just that you weren’t hideous, so don’t get your hopes up too much.

Bumble

My first impression with Bumble was how happy I was to get some matches right away. I actually met a couple for coffee and it was OK, but I didn’t really feel anything.

Lots of barriers to entry

Perhaps the best thing about Bumble is that you have to really work to get a match. Both people have to say yes, then the woman has to be the first to start messaging – within 24 hours. This means for a conversation on the platform to happen, a lot has to go right. After my first week on Bumble, I didn’t have many matches and ended up checking the app less and less.

Didn’t pay for Bumble Premium

Unlike Tinder, I didn’t splurge to pay for premium. If there is interested in the comments, I’ll do a full write up tear down wondering if Bumble premium is worth it

Most Number Of People I Knew from Highschool

This may have been the most interesting thing about Bumble to me, was that I saw the most profiles of women I knew in High School. At first I didn’t swipe right to them, but later I did to train the algorithm that they’re worth surfacing to more people. I don’t have any proof on how the algorithm works, but more swipes have to be a good thing, right?

None of them swiped back at me. Guess dating in your 30s isn’t that different from dating in high school.

Bumble review

I think that Bumble is the best app, and I really like the idea of Bumble BFF and Bumble Biz. I’ve seen Bumble do a lot of events, like having a place at Austin City Limits. Unfortunately, I just didn’t get enough matches to keep trying on the app. Saying yes, no exaggeration thousands of times, ends up getting pretty depressing pretty quick.

Hinge

Everyone said Hinge is best

When I first started talking to my friends about dating apps and online dating, they all said Hinge, Hinge, Hinge. While I should have listened to them, I also wanted to try them all, and had this post to write.

Decent number of likes per day

Hinge has a great free version, I’ve only ran out of likes once or twice. I also like that you can see who likes you and if you want, you can message them. This seems to be by far the best user experience.

Love the profiles

Hinge also seems to have the best profile flow. You can see someone’s picture right away to decide if you’re even remotely attracted to them, or get to know them from their other photos, which can easily be pulled from Instagram, or the profile prompts. Profile prompts are conversational items like two truths and a lie, never have I ever, or something you’d never do again.

Love the profiles

Hinge was by far the best app that I used. As a pleasant update, I’m now dating an awesome woman from there, and we’re looking forward to trying a number of these Toronto date ideas come summer. If you’re dating in your 30s, Hinge is your best bet.

Plenty of Fish

This was the first dating app I joined. I know a few people who have used it, it’s free, and I figured why not start with something more web based. I never ended

Not many fish in the city!

Dating In Your 30s Women

The first thing that surprised me about Plenty of Fish was that there were very few matches from Toronto. Lot’s of matches from the surrounding 905 suburbs like Brampton, Oakville, and Pickering, but very few from within Toronto proper. This might make POF a viable option for those outside of the city but not me.

Low res photos

This was another weird thing about POF, the images seems to get really compressed. Not like when uploading a photo to Facebook or Instagram, but web resolution circa 2003. This made the site feel very dated, and as the kind of person who starts a blog/podcast/online dating course when he becomes recently single, it didn’t seem like my tripe.

Lots of hookers

As I would find out as I joined other networks, mainly Tinder, this isn’t something exclusive to Plenty of Fish, but I did find it to happen quite a bit. It’s pretty disheartening to finally get a match, or see that someone likes you only to know they’re an escort.

Feels dated

Overall, Plenty of Fish just felt a bit dated to me. I’m sure it has it’s merits, some of which I’ve listed below, but if you’re a fairly technical person in a major city, it probably isn’t the app for you. If you’re dating in your 30s for the first time in a while like, you may have remembered POF from back in the day. It doesn’t feel as though it’s changed much.

What I liked and summary

POF is free which is a good way to dip your foot into online dating. I also liked that you can set your search filters and parameters. Finally, it’s nice to be able to check out a few profile and send the message you’d like to send. However, for anyone in a major city, I’d skip pof.

Not tested

There were a bunch of other apps I had heard of but didn’t try out including, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, OK Cupid and any other niche sites or apps. What has your experience been? Would love to hear your stories in the comments below.

Dating is never easy. Figuring out ways to meet new people, knowing the right things to say, and deciphering the best methods to impress a potential mate can be confusing and overwhelming. While I count myself lucky that I haven't been on the market for several years (I swear I'm not rubbing it in), many of my friends have become increasingly frustrated by how difficult dating is, especially after 30. But what makes dating after 30 different from dating in your 20s? Turns out, there's a lot. I spoke to dating and relationship experts as well as women who are navigating dating after 30 to find out what's so different and how to make it easier.

The dating pool is smaller

According to the Pew Research Center, the average age for marriage in the United States in 2011 was 27 for women and 29 for men, so by the time we hit 30 a lot of our friends and potential mates are already in committed relationships. This means that the dating pool after 30 isn't quite what it used to be.

'The dating pool has shrunk by 30, with more of your peers in long-term relationships or marriages, and with your social circle feeling smaller,' said eHarmony's Chief of Advice Jeannie Assimos. 'This is when dating services come in handy, to find the others that are available and ready to date.'

Laura Ryan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified hypnotherapist, and certified Imago Relationship Therapist agreed. 'Many eligible men have now gotten married or are in long term relationships because nesting and settling down is something that starts to happen in your late 20s and people begin to marry and have children in their 30s,' she said. 'Your pool of girlfriends also shrinks because many of them are now married and/or have children, so they are less inclined to want to go out for half-price Margaritas with you on a Tuesday.' With fewer potential partners to choose from and no wing woman, things can be a little tough.

Your goals are different

After 30, many experts agree that women are more interested in commitment than ever before. 'Several of the women I'm currently working with report that they've set specific timelines for potential relationships. They expect to discuss living together after nine months of dating and want to get engaged within 18 months,' said Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist. 'I often caution against these time-based goals, but ultimately, they're the experts in their own relationships.'

Rhonda Milrad, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the relationship app Your Sage, agreed, telling me that after 30, people are looking for a life partner. 'Up until this time, your priorities have been career and experiencing life, and you weren't interested in settling down. You did not feel the pressure to start thinking about what city you wanted to end up in and the age by which you wanted to have your first kid,' Milrad said. 'Now, in your 30s, priorities are changing, biological realities are setting in and your focus is to find someone with whom you can build a life and have children.'

Your brain is different too

It isn't just that the dating pool is smaller after 30, it's also that your brain has literally changed since you were 21 and sidling up to the hottie at the bar.

'Brain development is the primary reason dating after 30 is so different,' said David Ezell, the clinical director at Darien Wellness. 'Cognitive development is done after the age of 25 and as executive functioning comes into play connecting today's actions with tomorrow's desires begins to be the driving force in healthy people's lives. People discover what they want and start seeking partners who can give it to them.'

Tinder may not be for you

Because your goals after 30 may be quite different than your dating goals from your 20s, dating apps may not be the best bet for meeting people.

'It's of much higher likelihood that when you're on the other side of 30 that you're seeking a partner to share your life with. The apps are millennial focused and there is a current 'hookup' movement, which you will be mixed up in on the apps,' said certified international dating and relationship Megan Weks. 'It's possible that you may bump into someone who is age appropriate who wants the same things, but it's difficult to navigate the apps when it comes to figuring out the other person's goals. The best way to find out is to ask!'

Brandyce Stephenson, the owner of a marketing consulting business and self-proclaimed 'single gal in her 30s' who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida agreed. She told me that traditional dating apps don't have what she's looking for. 'I would certainly say [apps like Tinder are] more for a good time than forever, but that has changed for me in my 30s, I'm not interested in that.'

You're set in your ways (and so are they)

While dating in your 20s may mean a lot of compromise and dating people who have very different values than you, by the time you hit 30 those days are over.

'Another major transition in the 30s is being more set on one's values and preferences. Most people go through a re-evaluation of life around early 30s on what they really care about and what they want they want out of life,' said Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist in Colorado and founder of apps for couples. 'This re-defining time spills over into their dating life where women in their 30s are often much more direct on the values they want in a person and what types of behaviors they will and will not tolerate.'

30s Dating Sites

It's hard to find someone your age

One of the downsides of being more set in your ways and knowing exactly what you want is that you may not seem quite as fun to some potential mates as women in their 20s appear.

'When women are over 30 they also have to accept the reality that many of the men who are their age have now started dating women who are younger than they are,' said Ryan. 'It seems that around age 30, men start looking for younger women to date, which narrows the dating pool significantly. Younger women are perceived as more 'fun' with fewer expectations and a more youthful appearance and body.'

Ryan said that many men even limit their online dating searches to only women up to age 35, regardless of how old they are themselves. 'There is very little that we can do about this, but accepting this reality is important when setting expectations for dating.'

Potential partners have more baggage

Another reason that men may start dating younger women after 30 is that we tend to have a bit more baggage the older we are. This isn't limited to women so you'll need to ready to deal with some baggage in your own potential partners too, like past relationships and maybe even kids from prior relationships.

'In your 30s, chances are you've already had a few relationships. Some of these might not have ended amicably, and could have involved being cheated on or feeling violated in another way. This can sometimes lead to fear in a new relationship, and past fears can haunt new relationships,' said Candice A. of Toronto Wingwoman. 'Combine this with the fact that we usually have more responsibilities in the 30s dating can be considered more difficult.'

Shared interests are more important

When you're set in your ways and looking to find someone your own age, one of the best ways to do that may be doing something you love. Chances are, if someone else is doing it too, you may have more in common.

'The 20-something scene typically means going to a loud bar to meet singles. The 30 somethings tend to do activities they enjoy that offer exposure to other singles like, running groups, art classes or volunteering,' said Jaime Bernstein, a senior matchmaker for the professional matchmaking startup Three Day Rule. 'Finding some common ground and interest creates a deep bond faster.'

Networking is king

But how can you find new activities and meet new people with shared interests? It turns out, networking isn't just for finding a new job! The great thing about networking is that even if you don't meet the one, you gain a ton of other benefits like improving your small-talk skills, trying new restaurants, and maybe even doing something you've never done before.

Sheyla Ventura, who is a brand coordinator for a dating app in New Zealand thanks to all of her personal experiences with other dating apps, told me that 'networking has surprisingly become a thing' adding that when you share things in common, it's easier to find a more compatible person. 'I go to climbing gyms and I feel comfortable around new friends sharing the same interest,' she said. 'I need to find someone more into sports and less into heavy drinking and partying.'

New apps for the 30+ crowd

Speaking of dating apps, just because the typical ones (like Tinder and Bumble) may not be ideal for women over 30, that doesn't mean there aren't apps out there.

'Dating apps over the age of 30 tend to focus more on meaningful relationships and specific interests. Dating app users tend to say that there's a dating app for everyone, and it's true,' said Gabriel Rotman, one of the co-creators of Jabo, a dating app designed around doing things specifically with people over 30 in mind. 'If you're a person of religious faith, there's an app to find people who share your faith. If you're an audiophile, there's an app to meet other audiophiles, and so on.'

He added that Jabo in particular is an app to meet people who love outdoor recreation and an active lifestyle, which he said is great for people over 30 'because it helps them get back to their youthful selves.'

Things may move more quickly

Once you connect, whether it's through an app or otherwise, things may happen a little faster than they did when you were in your 20s, at least from a commitment perspective.

'From my experience with clients, in general, people dating in their 30s still message via app or online personals, but the messaging doesn't last as long as those in their 20s,' said relationship expert Chris M. Lyon. 'Singles in their 30s want to get to know someone in person quicker, and in more of an information-gathering way than a hookup.'

Acceptable behavior changes

We all did things in our 20s we aren't proud of, we can all admit that, right? As we get a bit older, what's considered acceptable (for both men and women) in the dating world changes quite a bit.

'In yours 20s, daters are open to last minute invites, [like] getting a text to meet at a bar at 10 p.m. on Saturday night,' professional matchmaker Bernstein told me. 'Most 30-somethings find that to be a little offensive and feel like it is more respectful to have a plan several days out.'

It isn't just about planning, though, it's also about behavior during and after the date. 'In your 20s, it was perfectly acceptable to go out to a bar and go home with a new person that night. In your 30s, the men who are hanging around bars may not be the best quality people for long term partnership (and many may be struggling with addiction issues),' Ryan told me. 'An expectation develops when you are over 30 that since you are a mature adult, you will really get to know someone before you have sex with them, so we transition into a more formal dating style of a glass of wine with dinner instead of ten jello shots at the bar.'

Money is more important than ever

I don't mean that the amount the date costs is so important, though that's something to keep in mind. What I mean is that after 30, people are concerned not only about their own money, but the general financial situation and responsibility of potential partners.

April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert and the author of the Ask April advice column told me this is very important when dating after 30. 'People in their 30s want to know who they're dating and how it affects their wallets. They aren't always interested in someone who's making big bucks, but they want someone who's honest about their financial profiles. An entrepreneur with huge debt is sometimes less attractive than a social worker with high credit.'

Financial experts like Kerri Moriarty, who is a founding team member of Cinch Financial, agree. 'The impact is noticed in a number of ways – everything from it no longer being 'cute' [that] your date is still living with his or her parents all the way to ... the prospect of marrying someone with significant debt and no retirement savings compared to your decade of 401(k) contributions,' Moriarty told me. 'It's more a consideration than a deal breaker in most cases, but turning 30 is still a milestone of officially becoming an adult, a time to reflect on the 'youth of your 20s'.'

The payoff is worth the effort

Dating after 30 may not be the easiest thing to manage, but by getting to know potential mates once you're settled in your career and know what you really want, the relationship may be more likely to last for the long haul. And even if it doesn't, you'll be more secure in yourself as an independent woman to get back out there and give it another go with someone else when you're ready. So join a networking group, download some new apps, and get out there! Your dream partner is waiting.